


Losing Composure

by ratmonky



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M, Hijikata being a creep, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Past Rape/Non-con, follow up to Aberrant Task fic of mine hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25843129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratmonky/pseuds/ratmonky
Summary: As you're slowly losing your sense of comfort, you start to struggle to keep your composure but then you notice you're not the only one.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/You
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	Losing Composure

**Author's Note:**

> This is a follow-up to my fic, Aberrant Task, please read it first!

You had returned to the Shinsengumi headquarters the day after as if nothing had happened. Your legs were still jittery and your body was sore yet you refused to sit at home and be alone with your thoughts.

To forget about what happened, you needed to work. 

“You’re weird today,” Yamazaki said when you didn’t touch the dinner he bought for you. “Is everything alright?”

Okita’s attention shifted from his own dinner to you. He looked worried about you in his own silent sadistic way. His intense glare made you feel sick. 

A glimpse of silver hair within your mind made you gag. There was no way you could tell anyone what happened. Not even to your closest friends. 

You cleared your throat and tried speaking without letting your voice tremble. “I’m getting sick, that’s all.” Your voice sounded pathetic, you were pathetic.

“Oh,” Yamazaki nodded slowly to process what you had just said. Then he put his hand on your shoulder, “I hope you feel better soon-”

You jerked back from his touch and your hand went to grab at your sword’s handle. 

Yazamaki stared at you in shock and put his hands up, promising you that he didn’t mean any harm. 

~~~

“You should take the day off today,” Kondo insisted. His eyebrows were creasing and there was a look of concern on his face. Your chief was worried about you.

“Chief-” 

“It’s an order,” Hijikata firmly spoke. “Leave your sword.”

“I can’t leave my sword,” you nearly sobbed. Just how weak were you? You almost drew your sword on your friend. Of course, they were going to take it away.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Kondo gently asked, he was trying his best to approach you in a way he could get you to talk. You knew because you often had seen him use this voice to interrogate suspects. Although his concern was real you couldn’t bring yourself to speak. 

What would you tell him anyway?

Yorozuya’s boss-

“Nothing.” You removed your sword with shaky hands and dropped it onto the tatami flooring of the meeting room. “I’ll take my leave now.”

You didn’t let them say anything and threw yourself inside the bathroom, gagging continuously. Your hands weakly grabbed the ceramic of the toilet and you tried vomiting but since you hadn’t eaten anything for over a day, nothing was coming out. 

Your eyes and nostrils burned each time you gagged.

‘Ohoho?’

‘You’re finally enjoying it?’

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy-

~~~

Your mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, you were still scared. You were still scared that Gintoki might show up at night to do something to you. There was no way you could close your eyes without seeing him.

So, here you were, smoking your tenth cigarette in a row outside of the headquarters, very plainly waiting for the sunrise so you could get your sword back again and go back to work.

“You’re still awake.” Came a voice.

You jerked and almost dropped your cigarette from between your lips. You stared at your vice commander who looked like he had just woken up. 

“Yeah.” you later mumbled, it wasn’t sincere but Hijikata didn’t mind it. None of you seemed to have the energy to talk formally.

It was comfortably chilly outside. The sky was clear and the stars were shining bright.

You had only one thing in your mind.

Gintoki.

Why had he done this to you?

Why you?

“You know,” Hijikata said. He avoided looking at your bare legs as much as he could and sat on the bench next to you. “You can always talk to me about anything.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you said as you took a long drag of the cigarette. 

“Nothing, huh?” He looked into the distance and then back to you. He chuckled before taking a whiff of his cigarette. “Yamazaki was on his knees begging me to talk to you. Clearly he’s worried, we all are.” 

“There’s nothing to worry about.” You wouldn’t meet his eyes. You looked straight forward, your throat felt dry and ached from the number of cigarettes you had smoked with an empty stomach.

“Look, I’m just trying to be nice-”

“Don’t.” You stubbed out your cigarette and got up from the bench. 

He widened his eyes slightly in surprise because of the way you talked. “Ah,” he huffed before you left. “I apologize for being persistent.”

~~~

The next day they didn’t give you your sword back at all. 

~~~

“You should consider taking the week off,” Hijikata’s tone was oddly serious. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at the tone. He was hiding something. “I can’t let you carry a sword around if you’re going to draw it on us or civilians.”

“That was a mistake,” you said, gritting your teeth. “I made a mistake and I sincerely apologize for it but, Vice Commander, you can’t take my sword away from me, how can I protect myself without it?”

“The Joui won’t attack you if you don’t wear your uniform outside,” Hijikata said firmly, his tone sent shivers down your spine this time. “Is that what you’re scared of? The Joui? What do you need your sword for?” 

“To protect myself from potential enemies.”

Hijikata’s features softened, you could see the worry on his face. “Did something happen?”

Your eyes widened at his question, your legs trembled under you, and the memories of what had happened flashed before your eyes.

“Hey,” Hijikata called, about to get up from his seat to take a look at you. “Are you-”

“I’m okay,” you said, getting up. “I’ll be taking my leave.” 

“If something happened, just tell me,” Hijikata spoke softly, for the first time, he sounded safe. You could trust him, he could protect you. The Vice Commander had sworn to protect the Shinsengumi and his comrades, that included you. 

“I-” you choked, the words wouldn’t come out. You wanted to tell someone, you wanted to be comforted by someone and your Vice Commander, he was right there with open arms, worried about you. “Toshiro.”

Hijikata’s eyes widened as you called him by his first name and threw yourself in his arms. He hadn’t actually thought you would hug him and that made his heart break. You were trembling, falling apart one piece at a time. You were holding onto him as if he was the only thing keeping you sane. 

His arms, wrapped around you, carefully and reassuringly. His embrace felt right, it was comforting and you found yourself sobbing against his chest. 

For the first time in his life, Hijikata felt happy, a sinister smile spread across his face and his hand found its way to the back of your head, he gently ran his fingers through your hair until your sobbing died down. 

“I’ll protect you,” Hijikata whispered, his arms tightening around you. “I’ll make sure you’re happy.”

“Thank you,” you said, voice trembling. “I don’t… I don’t know who to trust anymore and you… I… please give me back my sword.”

Hijikata’s blood ran cold at your begging.

A chuckle left his lips, “You don’t need your sword anymore.” He broke the embrace momentarily and your eyes met his gaze. “I’ll protect you myself, don’t you trust me?”

At that moment, you couldn’t notice the dangerous underlying of his words or the wicked glint in his eyes but you nodded. 

“I trust you.”

Hijikata caressed your cheek, slowly leaning down. You watched him get closer to your face but didn’t move away. He stared into your eyes as your lips touched. His eyelashes fluttered and he closed his eyes to move his lips against yours. 

And you closed your eyes, kissing him back to forget the memory of the White Demon on top of you. 

Hijikata was firm, but not too forceful. He placed his hands on your waist, feeling you up while his tongue pressed into your mouth.

Slowly, just testing the waters, he pressed himself against you more firmly and let out a ragged sigh. He knew that he was playing a dangerous game. As good as what he was doing felt, he knew he couldn’t keep it up for too long if you didn’t fall into his arms on your own. 

Your hands went to hold onto his biceps and a wanton moan left your lips that made Hijikata’s cock twitch in his pants.

“Say my name,” he whispered, voice full of lust. 

“Hijikata-”

“Toshiro,” he corrected, his lips brushed against yours as he talked, his hot breath ghosted over your wet lips. “Say my name.”

“Toshiro,” you softly whispered as he lowered his head down to you and pressed his forehead against yours. 

“I will protect you with my life,” Hijikata said, his voice nearly trembled. He knew you were letting him touch you and kiss you because you were vulnerable but soon enough you would fall for him too.

You were kind and gentle towards everyone. Even smiling at strangers with such affection.

Hijikata wasn’t special to you.

But he had made sure that you couldn’t trust anyone but him. 

Now, all you had was him and him alone.

Hijikata shakily, carefully, tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear and he tugged you closer before your lips clashed again. He couldn’t stop himself from pulling you closer to feel your presence. He had to make sure you were real. 

Your legs turned to jelly, your breath quickened as Hijikata’s hand on the small of your back slid down to caress your hips and groped your ass. 

“Hiji-”

“Toshiro,” he hissed. 

“Toshiro,” you gasped, pulling yourself away from the kiss. He looked disappointed, lips swollen and eyes wide. 

Hijikata waited impatiently for what you had to say. Had he done something wrong to mess it up? Fuck… he had thought he had you in his hand.

But all of his worries melted away when he saw your blushing cheeks and you shyly looking away from him. “C-can we go somewhere more private?”

Only then he noticed that you two were in the meeting room. Anyone could come in at any given second. 

His cheeks flushed a red matching yours and he nodded. 

The walk to his room was awkward, his futon was uncomfortable and everything felt wrong.

“I-I’m going in,” he awkwardly sputtered. 

A nod.

Hijikata dragged his cock along your folds enticingly slowly and he pushed the tip of his cock inside. Both of you gasped for two different reasons. When his hips were finally flush against yours and his cock was deep inside your cunt, Hijikata chuckled.

Finally, he thought, finally.

“T-Toshiro,” you sighed. “I-it kinda hurts.” Your walls were throbbing against his thick cock, threatening to make him spill his seed if he moved even slightly. 

“Is it too big for you?” The words felt foreign to his mouth but he needed to hear it. He had to hear it from you. 

“Y-yeah.”

A smile. 

Hijikata pulled himself back and pushed back inside with immense force, your toes curled as his cock ravaged your gummy walls suddenly. Picking up a pace was impossible for Hijikata, it felt too good to be finally inside you, feeling your wet pussy and gummy flesh of your walls clamp around his cock was too overwhelming. Nothing felt real except the soft skin his rough hands were caressing. 

“Toshiro,” you whined while his hands were squishing the soft mounds of flesh on your chest, ramming into your cunt like an animal in heat at the same time. “It feels… good.”

Finally.

He enjoyed the view of you for a moment. Hair dark halo around your head and your cheeks red, eyes hazy and lips swollen. Your tits jiggling with each violent, rapid thrust of his hips.

Another smile. 

You looked like this because of him.

Only him.

“I’ll always make you feel good.” His cock was twitching, your walls were trying to milk him for all his worth. His irregular pace faltered, his leg started twitching, slowly rising from the immense pleasure to come. 

A moan left your lips when he grabbed you by the back of your knees and pushed them down to mount you completely. His cock felt bigger and went deeper in this position. You felt your eyes roll to the back of your head when Hijikata’s cock kissed the entrance of your cervix, making you see the stars.

One of his hands went to try to rub on your clit but he couldn’t do anything but chase after his own pleasure. He wanted to punish you for letting that useless samurai take you tonight. His legs started to tremble, his hips stuttered. He had you for himself, only for himself. The thought of you being under him right now was unreal. He had to confirm you were real. 

He couldn’t hold himself back any longer. 

Hijikata started dragging himself in and out of your pussy vigorously, each thrust left you gasping and shaking. Your nails dug into his back and you dragged them down, leaving nasty red lines on his back for everyone to see.

For the last time, Hijikata pushed his cock balls deep inside of your twitching fertile pussy until the tip of his cock touched your cervix. He didn’t know how long he had saved up for just for this one moment but as his cock spurted out all of his thick and creamy cum inside of your cunt, a wave of ecstasy washed over him.

“Mine,” he growled. “All mine.”

~~~

“Come on! It’ll be fun, Gin-chan!” Kagura insisted, dragging Gintoki to the shopping district. “We’ll find some Amanto candy too, I promiseeeee!”

“You damn brat, you just want me to come so I’ll pay!” Gintoki snapped and tried to pull his arm free from the girl’s grip but he was powerless against her Yato strength.

Defeated, he stopped fighting back and let the brat drag him down the street. Out the corner of his eye he caught the sight he never thought he would see in a million years. 

You were standing beside Hijikata with a soft smile on your lips while he was buying food from the food stalls. 

You weren’t wearing your uniform, however, Hijikata was wearing his. 

Gintoki’s eyes landed on your hand intertwined with Hijikata’s and he held in a laugh. 

He had clearly underestimated the Demon Vice Commander of Shinsengumi. So, this was Hijikata’s actual plan; breaking you and making you believe that he was your savior. 

But Gintoki wondered if it was the other way. 

Ah…

This time, Gintoki couldn’t hold in his laugh.

The obsessed Demon Vice Commander was scared shitless that you would throw him away and be apart from him. Hijikata was desperately holding onto you, if you let him go, he would die. 

Oh, how amusing!

**Author's Note:**

> Head empty only well-composed men losing their composure and sense of what's right and wrong being obsessed with me~
> 
> Anyway, Hijikata losing his mind because your pussy gripped his cock a little too hard is prolly my new religion, bye~


End file.
